Slow and steady wins the race

If you’ve been keeping up with my writing, you know that I am finally fulfilling passions and goals that I began in 2001. In July of 2017, just six months after my accident and still very much in active recovery, I began my author website (this very website you’re reading this blog article on). At the time, my injury was still very much problematic with high symptoms. I also had moved around a few times staying with family and friends awhile before I was able to rent a room in a house. Each day I did what I was able to on this website.

Our life journey never seems to take the most direct route as is the case for me. I ended up moving out of a bad situation at the advice of the police and back with a friend until I took a leap of faith and found a place of my own. I am the first to admit I did not do this on my own. I had help from someone who truly cares about me and knew how important it was to get me back into my own sanctuary where I could continue my healing process. Having bounced around from March until October in the middle of an important healing time, I was desperate for my own space. This angel provided no monetary support but a backing which opened the door literally to my own apartment in the city I adore, getting me back on my feet in my own safe space.

Immediately I began my search for some part-time marketing work so I could pay the rent and keep my apartment and not let my angel down. In January, I found a part-time gig at a ridiculously low rate but I took it because it helped me get back into the groove while working from the comforts of my own home, where I have special lighting and noise accommodations, no commuting, and no mandated set schedule. More importantly, I was able to keep my “brain breaks” (where I lie down for 20 minutes shutting all noises, lights, and thoughts out to allow my brain to reset itself) schedule.

Fatigue is a huge problem we brain injury sufferers are faced with on a daily basis. We can wake up and feel utterly exhausted. This affects our entire day and for me it comes in the form of excruciating head pain, nausea, unsteadiness on my feet, memory problems, inability to focus, and vision problems. While I was working for this client, I was using my little stores of energy for them and so I worked on this website in bits and pieces as I was able.

Then I was hired by a national company to assist in writing an 85-page technical website. I knew this was a gift and I also knew it would stretch me and test my brain power simultaneously. We had ten days to complete these pages. There was a slow ramp-up period and then it was full power until the end. I was able to somehow get both projects each the attention required. As soon as we completed the second project, I took a few days off to let my body aka brain recover.

Working on the national brand and being paid a fee commensurate with my skills, I did the math and realized it was time for the client to honor their original agreement about my compensation and higher rate of pay. I eventually went back to work on my website and the small, ridiculously low-paying assignment went away freeing me up to focus on my passion again.

Sometimes you just can’t prepare yourself

I’ve been “so close” to completing this website for three to four weeks but with websites as with many things, one thing is always tied to another—and often with technology—things are out of your control. Even without a brain injury, the process to take a website live can be overwhelming. Last week, I had a show-stopper list of 19 items and each day I tackled what I could. Two of those items couldn’t be addressed until I took the site live. Then two days ago, I discovered a glitch in the software and waited for the developer to release an update which fixed the software. Every time I checked email and didn’t get a reply, I was experiencing more growth in my ability to be patient and letting go of expectations. This tactic really helps with anxiety which is a not-so-bonus perk of a brain injury. This morning I awoke to good news and immediately went to the site to implement the change. Huge shout-out to ScissorThemes for responding to my needs!

Focused on the content, the style, the form, and the technical aspects kept my emotions locked up tightly. In fact, I wasn’t even aware of my emotions as I built and wrote the site. I was all business about this website even as I took time to write blog articles before the site was live. This morning, when I switched my website from staging mode to production (aka “live”) where I was going to go public for the first time about my brain injury, and announce to the world my passions, and reveal my own personal journey, I was and still am completely bowled over with emotion. I emailed someone very close to me and wrote after saying I was tickled pink my site was live:

“This is a HUGE goal and I’m about ready to cry I’m so happy!! I’m crying. That didn’t take long! I’m so proud of my accomplishment. It seems silly since this is my line of work but to do this after what I’ve been through means so much.”

Just like that I was sobbing tears of joy. I type fast and I went from pure joy and elation as I selected the exclamation point key to full-on sobbing and water works as I released it! I sat there staring at my work, my accomplishment, and at that moment the emotions and the reality of all I have been through and I’m not talking just about the physical repercussions of the accident which truly seemed insurmountable but the emotional, the homelessness, the lost relationships, the financial hardships, the complete humility of starting over again with massive debt and an injury that permeates my existence. Plus, I’m doing this alone for the most part with a select group of villagers who have made this all possible. Overcome with a flood of emotions (even now as I write this nearly ten hours later), I called one of my dear friends and in tears told her my site was live. I absolutely had to talk to someone about this achievement at that very moment! I had to share it with someone who cares about me and knows what I go through on a daily basis. I was not at all prepared for the tornado of emotions that would hit me and affect me all day long.

The details matter

Through the emotional moments, I was able to still focus on the business at hand. I still had some snags on the site that needed my attention. After I went live, the Twitter feed widget I was using still wasn’t working even though I had the proper token and secret keys (four elements generated by Twitter development). After a few hours of researching and troubleshooting the issue to no avail, I stumbled upon the answer in a forum that the code in the theme could be outdated. I grabbed HTML code and inserted it into a general HTML widget and applied it in the sidebar and voila, my Twitter feed appeared. Then I removed the other widget which wasn’t working and cleaned up the page (and contacted the developer to let them know as well about this potential error in the theme).

So after this ten-month journey to build and release this website, I attest that slow and steady does indeed pay off as does paying attention to the details. If I skipped any of the details, the site wouldn’t be complete and my goal of achieving it wouldn’t have been so powerful. I always took pride in completing either my own websites or for my clients but this particular site is like winning a gold medal in the Olympics of life—for which I was completely broadsided by the intensity of the accomplishment.

Achieving this major milestone is a gargantuan accomplishment and fulfills part of my mission to #ReclaimMyLife.

For those of you who have helped me get where I am today, I am forever indebted. Thank you for helping me #ReclaimMyLife and finding freedom on my journey to independence. This is just one step on a massive staircase but boy has it been rewarding!