My return to hot yoga
This morning was another first! I went to hot yoga for the first time since January 2017. I have been longing for this day for some time and today I went with the goal to complete the standing series, 12 static postures. I checked the schedule yesterday and saw that all my regular instructors at the time I usually practice were all still teaching their classes. Anne, the Monday morning instructor was scheduled to be there. I arrived early to make sure I could unfreeze my membership, update the instructor on my brain injury protocol (BIP), and grab the first spot next to the door.
When I arrived, I was greeted by a new face. I explained I was unfreezing my membership and starting back slowly after a brain injury. The membership unfreezing was quick and easy. The new face, Gina, was so enthusiastic and excited to have me return, I immediately felt at ease with her. I explained my injury and my goal to complete the standing series and then leave. I carry with me a “brain injury protocol” sheet so people around me know exactly what to do if my brain begins to shut down. I informed her I would keep my BIP in the studio with me “just in case”.
I quickly claimed my spot and warmly greeted Marina, another instructor who was practicing this morning, whom I had not seen since January 2017. Marina and I had a quick little chat and I set up my mat and accessories, keeping my BIP front and center. Then I went to the locker room to remove all my outerwear and get ready to enter the 105-degree yoga studio. As I walked past Gina, I told her I was a very advanced practitioner before the injury and would self-monitor my body. I let her know that I would give her a thumb’s up if all was ok when I left the studio. I also told her that I would get her attention if something went awry. We were on the same page and it was so comforting to know that both she and Marina were there as I began my journey back to the mat.
Getting on my mat
In the studio, I did my usual prehot yoga routine: rolling on my foam roller, stretching, some downward-facing dog poses, bālāsana (child’s pose), and drank some water to hydrate. Gina entered and we began. Despite memory issues that still plague me from time to time, I immediately fell right back into step (or breath as the case may be), with pranayama breathing in Bikram style, which is not the same way this studio practices. With my eyes shut, I was transformed back to my sanctuary as I had remembered. Two sets down and I was feeling pretty darn good!
Then we moved into half-moon pose. For those of you who are not familiar with hot yoga or Bikram yoga, it’s a series of 26 static postures. The poses never change, it is our body that is always changing and responding to the poses. It’s standing meditation. For those who have never done hot yoga, there is quite a bit of cardio in it for all those naysayers. Hot yoga is not for the weak of heart or weakened body. We are warriors in that class. I digress. The first set of half-moon pose we hold for one minute, alternating sides. So far, so good. My body is stretching and loving it and my soul is eating it up!
Next, we move into awkward pose. For those of you who don’t know what awkward pose is, I encourage you to check it out. There are three different phases to this pose and remarkably, with all the tennis and walking I do, and some incredibly muscle memory, I was able to complete all three phases—just as I had pre-BI! I’m on the mat feeling great and loving being back in this wonderful place where my body is soaking it up like good medicine.
The unexpected brain shut down
Unfortunately, my brain began to shut down. At first, I didn’t know how quickly it was shutting down. I was receiving signals to rest though and I heeded them. Just like flipping a switch, my brain was quitting—which means it shuts down motor skills (body movement and speech) to protect the autonomic systems. I slowly eased my way down to the mat finding savasana, dead body pose. Ironically, with my brain shutting down the English name for this pose means more to me now than ever before. I shut out the class and take refuge on my mat. I hear Gina cuing eagle pose and I desperately want to get into that pose and detox my body with twists and contortions while balancing. I slowly and carefully attempt to get back on my feet. Gina is squatting nearby keeping an eye on me ever since I went into savasana. I attempt to get up and join my fellow yogis but it takes me longer to get up than it should—another sign my brain is slowing down. I get up to my feet, turn to Gina, ask her to cue me as I have forgotten how to enter one of my favorite poses. Just then, my brain sends me a final signal to throw in the towel. Gina helps me down to my mat.
From this moment forward, my memory of events gets a little blurry. After a moment (or several?) of rest, I ask Gina to help me to the lobby so I can take one of my prescribed 20-minute brain breaks on their couch. As I attempted to stand, my brain was so shut down I could barely move my legs. I skipped bending down to pick up my water and Gina grabbed it for me and assisted me out the door into the lobby. My legs were barely moving and I don’t remember much of the 15-foot trek to the couch. I don’t know how much Gina was keeping me upright or what contribution my legs were actually giving to the journey.
It takes a village
In perfect timing, Laura, the owner of the studio, arrived as Gina assists me to the couch. Laura, remembering my brain injury that sidelined me last year, grabbed a cool, lavender chamomile towel for my forehead and she took my BIP sheet, getting up to speed. I took a 25-minute brain break right there in the lobby. Slowly my brain recovered. Eventually I was able to safely drive home. I showered and even did laundry, walking to and from the laundry room without incident.
The brain is an amazing machine. I go from rocking my hot yoga poses to barely being able to move my legs to regaining full use of my motor skills after a 25-minute rest period. While I didn’t make it through the standing series, in fact, I only made it through three poses, I still consider it a “win” in my effort to #ReclaimMyLife. Every bit of my recovery has been a process of little successes in the big picture. Little chunks of achievements just like today have sprinkled my recovery. These little chunks of achievements, like succeeding in just three poses (out of 12), may seem trite to some but to me they are monumental.
Many thanks to the beautiful souls at Yoga Pod this morning for keeping me safe, understanding my injury, and welcoming me back with such warmth and enthusiasm. When I walked in and checked in with Gina, her electric enthusiasm nearly made me cry tears of joy even before I began my practice. That is how much hot yoga means to me. Being away from my mat and my yoga community for so long has been painful and yet another lesson in patience and waiting for the right time. As I write this, tears fill my eyes.
Making adjustments—on the mat and in life
As I stated earlier, hot yoga has 26 static postures. Each class the poses remain the same, in the same order, in the same 105-degree temperature with 60% humidity. The only thing that changes is our body. This practice teaches us yogis to adjust to our body and be mindful of our body at each moment. Some days the poses come easier than others. Some days are bodies are more tired, stiff, or sore from our other sports. Even with my BI, the poses came easy today but my brain isn’t ready for all of it just yet. These past 15 months, I have learned to accept my limitations and as my neurologist told me, “You won’t know what your brain doesn’t like until you do it.” That is one of the many reasons why I got along so well with her. Practicing hot yoga for almost ten years before my BI prepared me for being patient and accepting my body’s response to situations.
There’s a saying in yoga that getting to your mat is the toughest part of the class. Making that mental decision and getting your physical body to the mat requires motivation, dedication, and determination. I’ve been waiting 15 months to return to my beloved hot yoga practice. This morning’s experience was not even close to my goal but boy am I thrilled with my achievement! I’m even happier that my recovery period was swift. This is a good sign. I’ll give it a few more days and go again.
In addition to absolutely loving what hot yoga does for my body, mind, and soul, I long to return to healthy sleep patterns. My neurologist told me that sleep is the last symptom to return to normal. I get 3-4 hours of sleep at night WITH sleep medicines—both holistic and pharmaceutical. That’s another article though. Good quality sleep with longer hours per night is my holy grail. Returning to hot yoga may be the perfect prescription for my sleep returning to me and so I graciously accept these three poses I completed today. Every day from this point forward on my mat is just one more way I #ReclaimMyLife.
